Postpartum Depression & Anxiety

I wrote this several days ago. Although I am no longer feeling this way now I though I’d share it anyway.

I can’t scroll my Facebook news-feed without feeling like I’m in the middle of a stampede; constantly being bombarded with news that hits me in the gut leaving me breathless.

So I’m choosing to remain ignorant and maybe then, I will find bliss.

I am an extremely empathetic person. Definitely to a fault. Especially for those with out a voice.

Why is it that everything that is related to me seems to be controversial.

Depression — Robin Williams’ death and hearing people voice that depression is a choice

Circumcision — We didn’t have Ari circumcised and I’ve read many story of sweet baby boys being in pain because their parents didn’t know any other way. It hurts my heart so badly!

Race — Micheal Brown being killed, and the divide that has been exacerbated.

Breastfeeding — I just participate in The Big Latch On. I see things in the news about nursing in public being some crazy controvesey. It just gets to me!

Innocent Babies being born with horrible diseases like Epidermiysis Bullosa, like my Ellie!

Being Vegetarian – stories of animal abuse . . . I cant take it

This is what I HAD to walk away from. I couldn’t take anymore.

Of course I know I have an option — I subject myself to these stories by liking the pages but, I want more than anything to be informed and do what I can to help all suffering beings, but it is killing me.

My heart hurts so badly.

I’ve been feeling a heaviness the last couple of days. Hoping that it is only in my head, praying that it isn’t postpartum depression. I’m hoping that it’s nothing more than ovulation returning, which means I get to add the roller coaster ride of PMS to the mix.

Regardless, I can’t deny that dark familiar cloud hovering just above my head. But my logic says if I keep walking fast enough maybe — maybe I will out run it.

This is my hope…

The Future Glory Romans 8 (NLT)

[18] Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.

Happy Motivational Monday!
I just want to share with you all what motivates me to continue sharing my experience with PPD/A (Postpartum Depression and Anxiety). I often wonder if I share too often or if I’m getting on your nerves with all the depression and anxiety talk.

Below is an email I received from a mom that is also surviving PPA.

She is why I am so vocal . . . even if I get eye-rolls and deep breathes from 1000 people that are sick of hearing my story, it’s all worth it to know that buy simply opening my mouth I helped one person out there.

“I was at TBLO on Saturday (kind of fell behind the crowd on purpose) and saw your post about your blog. I’ve suffered with PPD since having my 1st son and now it has been brought to an ugly, ugly head in the last 7 months. I also noticed my anxiety starting up almost immediately after coming home from the hospital. I’ve struggled with guilt, with self pity, and with feeling like an absolute bother to everyone around me. I’ve felt like I make no sense and like I can’t possibly be worth anything to anyone. I’m also a Christian. I feel like everyone treats me like a plague and that I can just “pray it away” and get over it. After reading your blog post about Saturday, I explored your blog. I’m encouraged by you. I’m not sure what my next steps are as a nursing mom, but I can at least know that others are fighting my similar battle and winning. Thank you for being so open.”

This sweet Mom eventually sought help and went on to say  . . .

“Thank you again Raivon! . . . I know it’s so weird for me to come out of left field but you really gave me that extra push I needed. God knows what we need or who we need right when we need it. He’s seldom early and never late, just always right on time.”

Now if that isn’t motivation for me to keep going, then I am not human — and you should be VERY afraid 🙂