This past weekend my good friend totally surprised me with the most beautiful baby shower! It’s my first shower, I didn’t have one with my first pregnancy because I was too ill (in my opinion) and really didn’t want to be seen by anyone and I definitely didn’t want to be the center of attention. Self-conscious and low self-esteem are under statements. But I really enjoyed myself and am so thankful to her!
The day before my shower was a particularly hard day. Some days are just SO hard… As if pregnancy alone isn’t hard enough.
A little back story.
I immediately stopped taking the antidepressants I was prescribed as soon as I found out I was pregnant.
I know that’s not recommended but that’s what I did.
I felt great for several weeks but then I could sense the familiar heaviness of depression beginning to suffocate me. It’s no easy choice to decide to take any medication especially during pregnancy but if I have experienced clinical depression. I know that letting it slide will only cause the dark hole to become much deeper, making it much harder to climb out of. I had Ari to care for and cancelling his play dates constantly and being unavailable to him emotionally was not fair.
I felt I had to do something, so I tried to start taking the “safer” of my prescriptions but it (Zoloft) made me violently ill, vomiting all day on top of already having morning sickness. I was useless. I didn’t know what was worse, suffering emotionally or physically.
I knew I couldn’t handle both.
So I stopped. Again
After seeing my psychiatrist we decided to try the other script again, Wellbutrin… but (at the dose given) it too made me vomit. We lowered the dose and I could say it took the edge off… But I still wasn’t myself. Why in the world would I want to take a drug that may not be safe only to feel OK-ish?
My eyes burned, I had horrible brain fog in the afternoon and it made me very tired, more than I already was. I could be in the middle of a conversation and BAM! It was as if I hit a wall and could barely put a sentence together.
So I quit. Again… and began to devour books on natural treatments for depression. Spontaneous Happiness: A New Path to Emotional Well-Being, The UltraMind Solution: Fix Your Broken Brain by Healing Your Body First and The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs are a few of the books I read. I’ll be starting The Mood Cure: The 4-Step Program to Take Charge of Your Emotions–Today this week.
Per the books suggestions and after consulting Google for further information, I opted for natural remedies… I also read through the reviews for each product on Amazon and there were people who reported improvement with depression.
- Fish Oil ( with high levels of EPA and DHA)
- Turmeric (it fights inflammation in the body which is thought to cause depression)
- Vitamin D3 5000 IU (which I’ve been taking for a few years)
- Daily Probiotic
I also switched to a Paleo Diet. When I did/do eat meat it is grass-fed and everything is organic. The point is to balance the ratio of omega-6 and omega-3 fatty acids I was consuming. Omega 6s are easy to come by if you follow the SAD, Standard American Diet. Omega-3 not so much, and when they aren’t balanced it can cause all sorts of issues like depression, add adhd etc. (I will say that I may move back toward vegetarianism, meat makes me feel heavy — maybe pescatarian)
I felt well, great even for about a month but guess what. Here I am…. Again. Feeling that heaviness approaching. I will say that I don’t feel as badly as I did before so it must be working. I think that it’s a piece of the puzzle I’m trying to complete. I also wonder if it’s being pregnant that has me feeling this way. I’m sure it plays a role, in regards to energy and motivation levels. I am just so very READY to feel healthy, energetic and like I’m thriving!
I am ready to have our baby so I can finally start with a clean slate and find what works for me and get/stay healthy.
Last week I talked about fighting depression with fitness. I do intend to make that happen 100%. I want to fight this depression from ALL angles. I believe that is very important. I will continue to research natural approaches, taking the supplements, to eat well, get sun, exercise and socialize as much as I can tolerate.
I have faith that the right combination of diet, supplements, exercise and possibly medication will allow me to find the health I seek.
In the midst of all this drama I am so thankful…
that I’m not nauseous all the time, that the shortness of breath is done, that I am able to get out and do things. I’m thankful that I am able to be a stay at home mom and am able to take a lovely nap everyday, and that was are able to afford organic foods. Those things are huge! Yes life comes with some crap but I am thankful for all the good I have been given.
10 more weeks until baby is born! Then it’s on!
Have you dealt with depression during pregnancy? What worked for you?