My goodness, it has been so long since I’ve posted here. I’m preparing for my afternoon nap, wrapped in a towel straight from the shower with a mug of Chamomile tea that was gifted to me in a care package from my amazing friends… and a shocking thought came to me! I should post to my blog!
For an unknown reason I have had an aversion to blogging and (social media in general) I chose to respect that feeling instead of forcing posts out into the world.
Now seems like a perfect time to return and document where I am currently in life.
We are pregnant again!
We weren’t trying the month we conceived, and here we are 12 weeks pregnant exactly.
I know, I know, I preached one and done as if my life depended on it for a while, heck it became my motto, but we will talk about my drastic change of heart another time.
If you know me or have read my blog, you know that my first pregnancy was rough. I had nausea and vomiting of pregnancy (morning sickness) the entire time, even though I took medication that was supposed to help it. My birth plan went down the drain and I was diagnosed with Postpartum depression and anxiety the months following Ari’s birth.
I believe I can safely and honestly say that this pregnancy is going better. I had a rough 10 weeks but there are days (mornings mostly) that I feel alive, thriving and human. I cherish each second of those beautiful mornings, when I am able to prepare breakfast for my son and do the laundry.
I know for sure that I grow and learn the most through my struggles. I can always expect a growth spurt during the hardest times in my life. Even though I am only in the beginning of this pregnancy I have already been blessed with a great lesson;
Health is wealth. Health is where it’s at. Health, mental and physical are true gifts.
I must cherish and give gratitude to God for my health. I will no longer condemn and curse my body. I will be the first to admit that I’ve said and thought horrible things about my body. If my body were a child I would be convicted of child abuse. This beautiful body of mine… that has done nothing but serve me and try to please me, while I repay it with verbal and even physical abuse… trying to starve it into the shape I feel it should be. Yet I’d still be disappointed even when my body would conform to the dieting and excessive exercise.
These 10 weeks of being ill and stuck in bed have taught me to cherish, love, admire and respect my gift of a body. God chose to place my spirit into this very body. What an amazing gift.
So yes, I was ill and some days I still struggle. But like the tea bag read, I respect the throne/hard times because I want the rose/the beauty of growth.
I will come back to share my feelings on having another baby after Postpartum Depression.