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Am I Really Done Having Babies? Why I Was Afraid To Call It Quits.

Am I done having babies?

Am I really done having babies?

Is it time to close shop?

Will my uterus NEVER be occupied again? 

These were are only a fraction of the thoughts that have been stampeding through my mind.

My cheeky babies <3

I have two wonderful kiddos. Until recently, I was CERTAIN there was one more beautiful little soul destined to be a part of our family.

Actually. Let me stop lying, here’s the truth…

Before having children I wanted five. I would be a stay-at-home mom and homeschool them all. After having “A”, my first, I just knew it was a one-and-done situation! The pregnancy, postpartum period, and the actual kid threw me for a loop!

Approximately three years later, the thought of expanding our family crept in s-l-o-w-l-y. Once she arrived, I was unsure what was next for our family of four, but I always felt “there was time”. Around the time T turned four, I was going through baby clothes to donate and I felt myself wanting to hold on to somethings. You know – just in case.

I can’t remember the specifics, but I named our third child, GG (my husband) was on board and I told the kids! Parenting mistake number 4,484,4484. No doubt, this baby was a part of our family.

We tried half-heartedly. After two chemical pregnancies, an ultrasound revealed a lovely 1 cm uterine polyp that was most likely the cause of the chemical pregnancies. I was scheduled for a Hysteroscopy with Polypectomy.

The Plan: Have surgery – get pregnant.

But something shifted.

I started to realize that parenting was getting easier. I was sleeping through the night, sleeping in, they could make their own snacks, for the first time EVER both of them were in school full-time (which had been delayed by a year due to the pandemic), and they could play unsupervised (for the most part)!

I also realized that parenting wasn’t getting easier at all! Parenting was only morphing into a “different” version of hard. My children needed me just as much now as they did when they were younger, albeit in different ways. This was a pivotal realization; more on this later.

I apprehensively played with the idea that maybe, just maybe our family was complete? But the thought was terrifying!

Why I wasn’t screaming for joy? My pregnancies were hard and my baby bearing years could be over – freedom on the horizon.

I weighed my options, talked to friends, my husband, I even asked google, “How do I know if I’m done having babies?” But let me tell you, the only thing that shed light on my apprehensiveness was sitting quietly and asking myself.

11 Reasons I Was Afraid to Say, My Family Was Complete:

  1. Being a Mom Is Who I Am, and I love It. It’s the best job I have ever had. As my children grow older there’s this nagging sense hovering over me that says… “You won’t be a mom anymore, they won’t need you, you will be useless in the world, your value will be diminished. Keep making babies, keep making babies, keep making babies!”
  2. My Identity Was Wrapped in Being a Mom. Who am I if I am not a mom? For the last 10 years I have been pregnant or mom-ing full-time and I have LOVED. EVERY. SECOND of it, even the messy hard bits. Who am I without this title? Do I even want to find out?
  3. If I Don’t Have a Baby, Then What the Heck Will I Do? What will I do with myself? How will I fill my time? Having children has extracted me from my home-bodied, introverted ways. The things I wouldn’t do or did not want to do for myself, I did for them… i.e. socializing.
  4. I’m Getting Older; I Don’t Have Time To Be Unsure. Technically, I still have time to decide, but I don’t feel that way. I’m high in the 30’s, I don’t want to play, wait-and-see. I know celebrities have children later in life and it gives us “normies” (normal folk) a sense of reassurance. But we don’t know of their struggle and sacrifice: mentally, financially, physically or emotionally. Heck, I’m sure many of them have had their eggs frozen or have embryos stored.
  5. I’m a Planner; I Need to Know Where I’m Headed. Making the decision, to not make a decision feels like purgatory. There’s no peace in that.
  6. This Child Is Real To Us: We have a name, and spoke it often. Not bringing him into our family feels as if we are giving up; we created this little person in our hearts and minds. Goodness, the mind is powerful!
  7. Would I Have Regrets? This is a big one. Would I be plagued with regret somewhere down the line? 
  8. I Didn’t Embrace My Previous Pregnancy As My Last. I tend to live in the future and end up missing out on the here-and-now. As a result I feel that I haven’t had closure with my womb. If that makes sense.
  9. My Babies Have Taken Me on the Greatest Adventure of my Life, as they get older. Will this adventure end? 
  10. I Love Teeny Babies. Some women want a certain number of children, if they could have 3 during one pregnancy they would be DONE. But I miss having an infant; no matter how many children I have they will always get older leaving me baby-less.
  11. I Believed That If I Don’t Have an Infant I’m Not a Mom. I equated not having a young baby to not being a mom. It makes absolutely no sense, but it is what it is.

Common denominator? FEAR, along with a healthy dose of FOMO. Fear bullied me into believing things that simply were not true.

What To Do if Fear is Clouding Your Judgement

I knew if I made a decision… any decision from a place of fear, it wouldn’t be a wise one. It wouldn’t be me making the decision at all. So, I asked myself.

What would you choose if you weren’t afraid?  

My answer: I would fully embrace the beautiful family and life that I have NOW and move forward boldly into the next chapter of life. Which has all the potential to be just as, if not more, magnificent.

My fear has dissolved; truth be told – it bubbles up from time to time. But now that I know how to navigate, it doesn’t hang around for long.

What is True
  1. My value will never be diminished and should not be dependent on external factors.
  2. I will always be a mother.
  3. I am more than a title.

Things are Looking Brighter and Feeling Lighter!

I’ve realized what a huge opportunity could lay before me if I choose to be complete. Its all perspective. Maybe I’m not giving up my dream career; maybe I’m being promoted?

I am growing more confident in my choice. When I was thinking about having another baby I became intensely future focused. But now, when I look at my little family I am filled with gratitude for what I had a part in creating. I’m looking at a completed masterpiece. I can really see them.

I’m excited to utilize this next part of life to explore: my marriage, myself and the world around me. GG and I will get to simply hang-out more and just be us! I told him we could treat our marriage like a new baby; nurture it and watch it grow. He gave me the side eye.

Hate to say this, but it’s obvious. I could change my mind; for several more years at least. I don’t want to think about it. But it’s true… nothing is written in stone. I’m just thankful for the peace and confidence I have in this one moment.

How did you know your family was complete; or that it wasn’t?
  1. Try to make choices from a peaceful place not from a place of fear (lack or scarcity). Ask yourself: What would I choose/do if I weren’t afraid. 
  2. Remember there isn’t necessarily a right or wrong choice. We have free will. There are only choices that are best for you in that one moment in time. Take the pressure off of yourself. Many paths lead to beauty. You aren’t necessarily giving up something great for something less.

As Abraham Hicks would say, “You can never get it wrong.” (That’s for my Law of Attraction tribe!)

Until Inspiration Strikes Next … Take Care.


Mommy Life

Let’s Talk Clean Beauty: What Beyonce’s Makeup Artist Had to Say about BC + Valentines Day Gift Ideas + The Perf Tinted Moisturizer + Clean Products for Men!

Non toxic makeup WOC

Well Hello There!

We are more than one full month into 2019 and we even survived a “snow day” here in Atlanta! Ari waited ALL day for the snow to appear — and well — it didn’t. Not even any rain really.

I hope that 2019 is treating you well and that you are holding on to those resolutions even if you decided not to make any (like me and my non-resolutions) I’m sure you had some areas you want to improve lingering in the back of your mind.

This is a quick recap of what’s been happening on the clean beauty scene this past month! It’s basically what I include in my newsletter — you should definitely subscribe right here!

If you are short on time, and really who doesn’t feel that way these days. I’ve given you a recap of sorts below!

  1. Beyonce’s Makeup artist was talking about us! Beautycounter that is😉. Read for yourself here!
    Non toxic makeup for women of color
  2. DEW SKIN Tinted Moisturizer with SPF 20 is a MUST have year round, but especially as warmer months approach. Available in 5 shades!
    clean beauty for women of color
  3. We now offer a line of Safer Products for Men! COUNTERMAN  { THEEE perfect Valentines Gift }
    Beautycounter women of color
  4. Are you in the Atlanta area? Gather your favorite people and host a Beautycounter Social! This can be anything from a cozy girls night in, a brunch or even a moms playdate with kids in tow. Just let me know when and where & I’ll show up with my Clean Beauty stash to share!
  5. When you grab your safer Valentines Day gifts ( recommendations below ⬇) , YOU get a FREE product sample of YOUR CHOICE at checkout!

Okay — Here are the Specifics
Let’s Talk Clean Beauty

Beautycounter’s DEW SKIN tinted moisturizer was mentioned in Marie Claire by Beyonce’s makeup artist! You can read the article here!

My Fav Take-Away From the Article…

The article was great and there are many informative ideas shared but, for the sake of brevity, THIS is my absolute favorite.

“Achieving the radiant glow of your dreams is all about having a skin-first, makeup-second mindset. “


Mic Drop! 

You maybe wondering, how can I adopt this “Skin-First, Makeup-Second Mindset”? We make is so simple.

  1. Take our Skincare Quiz — Find what’s right for you in less than a minute!
  2. Try Dew Skin Moisturizing Coverage. Sheer Coverage, Sun protection + A Luminous Dewy Glow. And hear this —NO. WHITE. RESIDUE.

Valentines Day?!
It’s coming, and I Have Got You Covered.

For the Man or Men in your life? { Try our new COUNTERMAN LINE }  A line of safer, results-driven skin care for the good guys in our lives.

I recommend starting with either a COLLECTION or REGIMEN because it will…

  • Allow Him to Try Several Products and let HIM choose which He likes best.
    { Don’t you EVER forget about our 60 Day Return Policy, not that you’d ever want to make a return 😋 }
  • Allow you to spread the CLEAN LOVE even further. Simply divide a collection between all the guys in your life. { Think dad, brother, son, friend etc. }

For the LADIES, I recommend a little pampering. Or a lot!

Our NO.3 Balancing Facial Charcoal Mask would be perfect. Gift a spa experience to a friend or yourself, enjoy 2 to 3 times a week for intensive treatment and instant results.

  1. Light beautiful a Non-Toxic candle.
  2. Apply your Charcoal Mask.
  3. Sip a beverage of your choice.
  4. Grab A good book and enjoy!

Or, like in my case, just slather it on in the midst of you daily chaos. ☺

There You Have It!

I’d be honored to be YOUR consultant, which means I am here to HELP you discover Better, Safer, Clean Beauty via Beautycounter!

Want to know more about working with Beautycounter yourself?? Lets chat! You can reach me via Email. See Below!

Here to #BetterBeauty! Oh, Happy Black History Month!

Raivon Lee | Vain Mommy
Beautycounter, Consultant
Text BETTERBEAUTY (all one word) to 52886 to urge Congress to prioritize safer beauty!
Empowering women to make SAFER cosmetic choices!

Beauty | Makeup, Non-Toxic Skincare

The Only Invitations You will Ever Need!

The New Year is ahead and there will be lots events to plan and, I’m here to tell you about my favorite invitations from Paperless Post.

I literally use these for EVERYTHING!

My kids birthday parties, my husbands surprise party that didn’t happen because of rain, Christmas parties, New Years Eve, Beautycounter Socials, Game Nights — EVERYTHING!

They are so CHIC and don’t look corny or cheap. I like the look way better than Evite. They are also earth friendly = no paper waste. BUT, you can also get paper invitations for super special occasions like Weddings, Baby Showers etc.

Here are a few invitations that I’ve made in the past. Aren’t they lovely?


Check them out here.

Happy Celebrating!
Raivon Lee

Mommy Life

I Admit. I Was Afraid of Money & Other Ramblings

I’ve decided to take a more relaxed approach — I’d like to just chat with you and share what’s been happening in my life and in this head of mine! Let me know if you enjoy this new more relaxed way of connecting.

As you know from the title of this post, I was afraid of money and after doing some research I’ve discovered that the fear of money is an actual phobia referred to as  Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia. I guess there’s a name for everything huh. Anyway let’s get on with it.

Did you know that just a month ago I was afraid to say, ” I want to be a Beauty Consultant because I’d like to make MONEY!”

I was terrified to admit this to myself.

Me, having financial goals for myself? Totally and completely TABOO!

But setting financial goals for my husband? LOL. Well duh! Of course, and I would willingly sacrifice to help him achieve said goals. If needed.

I’ve always believed and said that I’m not motivated by money. I guess that is still true in a way. I’m not motivated by money itself, but the experiences it can provide my family? YES!

What is it that you want, but are afraid to admit to yourself? What are you afraid to say out loud?

Over a year ago, my now mentor asked me how much money I’d need to make to make this business worth my while, my response was, “Well I don’t really have a number, I don’t NEED the money.”

Notice, she didn’t ask how much money do you NEED. Her question was how much money do you need TO MAKE THIS BUSINESS WORTH YOUR WHILE.

RAIVON! How about getting off your high horse and dreaming a little!

A heart without dreams is like a bird without feathers. Suzy Kassem

Read More »

Mommy Life

You NEED this TOXIN Eradicating Facial Bar! The Power of Charcoal!

I have a confession to make. Promise not to be judgey?

I used to wash my face with hand soap. Not the good stuff I’m using now, but plain old, bad for you HAND soap!

OK, now that that’s off my chest let’s move on.

Now that I’m 30 something I’ve gotten a bit more sophisticated with my skin care regimen (If you’d like a regimen recommendation take this quiz) I’ve transitioned from only caring about how I appear outwardly to caring 100% more about my health. OH and prevention!

Taking preventative measures to preserve my health and the quality of my skin have become my focus. Why wait until the wrinkles settle in, or dryness causes loss of elasticity or the these harmful ingredients allowed in our products take my health away? There’s no reason to wait! Read More »

Beauty | Makeup, Non-Toxic Skincare

5 Tips for Organizing Your Home for the Holidays

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and the December holidays are just behind it. For me and my family, it is now officially time to get ready for winter guests.

Having people over for the holidays is one of the best ways to celebrate, and is one tradition my family adores. However, it’s not all fun and games – its also time to start my winter cleaning routine. Luckily, over the past few years, I have mastered the art of preparing for guests. Here are my 5 tips for organizing your home for the holidays this year.

1 – Get Rid of Clutter By Donating
The first step to making more space in your home is to get rid of all the excess. While many simply push extra belongings into closets, garages, and storage units, it’s so much more cleansing to get rid of all the clutter for good. And the most compassionate way to do this is to donate.

Many people save their trip to the local donation center for after Christmas. But try to be proactive this year. Go through both your own and your kids’ belongings and get rid of any items you don’t love or use on a monthly basis. Donating together is also a great chance to teach children the importance of giving during the holiday season.

2 – Take the Minimal Route When Decorating
Although it’s easy to get swept up in the holiday spirit, decorating your home for the holidays doesn’t have to be over the top. A sprinkle of seasonal decor in each room is the best way to transform a space without making your home feel cluttered and noisy.

Going with a minimal decor style not only leaves more space for you and your guests, but it also gives your home a chic, modern look. This will help your guests feel comfortable and will require less storage space once the holidays have passed.

Start by decking the halls and the outside of your house with Christmas lights. An easy way to switch up color palettes in each room is to incorporate throw pillows, fruit bowls, or even plants. And it never hurts to have a huge pile of gifts ready for all of your guests tucked away in a corner.

3 – Arrange Guest Arrivals
Make sure you know how and when all of your guests are arriving. If your family is flying in, plan on taking your car with the most room for passengers and pick them up yourself. This will kickstart your hospitable feel from the get-go.

If your guests are driving in, be sure to give them clear directions. GPS systems can be funny, so remember to give clear verbal directions and always keep your phone nearby. You might even consider meeting them halfway to lead them in your own car.

4 – Prepare As Many Guest Areas As You Can
Another great part about having the whole family visit is that you can all spend quality time together under the same roof. Unfortunately, that may make things a little cramped. That’s why its so important to move as many physical barriers as possible to make plenty of space.

Not everyone has to sleep in an official guest room. Offices and living rooms are great for letting the kids have campouts. Just remember to have:

● Plenty of clean sheets
● Lots of laundry soap (for accidents)
● Plenty of cleaning supplies and trash bags
● Lots of space for luggage
● And tons of food

No one wants to make their family feel unwelcome. Try to make sure that every amenity a guest might want is available. That way you don’t get any fussy tears or feelings of homesickness.

5 – Get Ready to Feed the Masses
No holiday would be complete without food for days. When your guests arrive, expect them to come hungry. And you should definitely make sure your kitchen is as clean as it can possibly be. By the end of the visit, it’s going to be a war zone.

As a backup, create some plans that include meals. Your guests flying in will be dependent on you for transportation, and most of your guests may not be familiar with your area. Present different options for cooking on certain nights or going out as a group. Talk to them about their dietary preferences. If you’re planning on cooking, see what everyone can do to pitch in—you might be the host, but your guests are family, and you have every right to recruit them.

The holidays are a magical time of year. A time for laughter, for love, and for creating memories. Don’t let the ideas of getting ready for guests overwhelm you – head into battle with a clear head and an excited heart.

Mommy Life