Ari is now two and sleep has never been his thing. At least not without mommy by his side. For the first 22 months of his life I was Ari’s pacifier.
I dreamed (when I was able to sleep) of the day that Ari would fall asleep without me, I wouldn’t be trapped in bed with him, and I would be able to toss and turn anytime I wanted. I dreamed of the day that my hip wouldn’t be screaming in pain and my risk of bedsores greatly decreased!
That day has come to some extent, Ari doesn’t have to be nursed to sleep and actually prefers to sleep in his own space. I truly look at it as a miracle — it is nothing short of a miracle.
BUT He does still need his mommy only in a different way now.
Ari now likes to drift off to dream land holding my hand through the rails of his crib. At first I thought of it as a negative. I tell you the those scare tactics that get push on us moms are hard to shake. They come flashing back as if I had PTSD. For a fleeting moment I thought that by holding his hand I’d be creating a crutch and that I should teach him to fall asleep without me all together, because of course if I don’t he will NEVER learn.
That wouldn’t be the type of parent I want to be. As Ari’s mom he will always NEED me for something even if its just Love. Even if he doesn’t know it.
And there will come a time that I’m sure I’ll feel totally useless in his life, even if that isn’t true.
BUT for this time I will hold my sweet boy’s hand as he drifts off. And I will be present and enjoy every delicious second of it!
What are some of the special mommy moments you hold on to with your little ones… regardless of what others say??? Please share and thank you for reading!