I’m screaming over here!! I had the absolute pleasure of interviewing Producer and Director Ana Sofia Joanes. “Her first documentary, Generation Meds, explored our fears and misgivings about mental illness and medication. FRESH, Ana’s second documentary, celebrates the farmers, thinkers and business people across America who are re-inventing our food system.” ~ Fresh The Movie, Ana’s Bio.
I am totally girl-crushing! We recently became a vegetarian family and watched FRESH for the first time a few years back, which slowly {along with many other resources} placed us on our vegetarian journey. Now, I learn of Ana’s first documentary Generation Meds… and I nearly passed out. You all may know how I feel about mental illness and depression etc.
We are a match made in heaven right? If you haven’t seen FRESH watch it now. It will totally open your eyes to the reality of “food”. I’ll be watching Generation Meds ASAP!
Alright, allow me to collect myself.
Ana’s Newest Project, Taking Our Places
Ana is currently working on a new documentary called Taking Our Places, that follows three families as they allow us to peer {maybe probe is a more appropriate word} into their daily lives as parents. Allowing us to see the reality of parenting. As parents we know all too well that it ain’t always pretty and there are those little moments that we wish we could erase or situations that we know we could have handled better.
Taking our places gives us a look at Partnership-Based Parenting which is a skill that we can ALL benefit from. Both parents and non-parents alike. I cannot begin to say how much I am looking forward to seeing this film!
And — It will become a finished product with our help! So far Taking Our Places has been backed by over 60 supporters, with over $4000 raised. $25000 is the goal!
A note from Ana:
Instead of pulling quotes or bits and pieces from our “time together” I am going to let her words speak for themselves. I could not give her words justice if I tried. I am extremely touched by her words, her view and her drive to seek alternatives when “parenting” doesn’t go the way we planned.
And really does it ever?
I am so happy that Ana is sharing the wealth with each of us.
If I had to sum up in few words the message that prevailed when speaking with Ana it would be this…
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you — Even if those “others” are your children…or any child for that matter.
Enjoy!
My Q&A With Ana Sofia Joanes on Her New Documentary, Taking Our Places
How did you go from FRESH to Taking Our Places?
When I was filming on Joel Salatin’s farm, a little spark was ignited inside of me that kept growing and growing… Joel had been showing us how his farm works, and how everything he does follows a very simple but fundamentally radical approach. He said “if you respect the chicken-ness of the chicken, the cow-ness of the cow, then all falls into place.” And what fell into place was earth-shattering. It was not only that the animals were happier and healthier. Or that the meat they produce was healthier and tastier. Good outcomes for sure, maybe even good enough, and certainly outcomes I would expect. But that was just the beginning. What Joel explained is that by respecting the essence of each life-form lead to building more soil, which meant increasing resilience to droughts, capturing more CO2 (therefore fighting Global Warming), and, of course, increasing productivity (did you say more food? more money?) How could such a simple act, such a limited focus, lead to such far-reaching outcome I remember thinking. And then Joel said, can you imagine if we applied this principle to each other? He turned to me and said “are you respecting the Ana-ness of Ana?”
I’ve never stopped thinking about this question. What I think Joel was saying is that living authentically, being true to one-self, could have radical transformative and healing capacity for the whole world. This is self-care being redefined from selfish to powerfully world-changing. FRESH was about food but on a deeper level it was about shifting from seeing ourselves as separate from nature to being part of nature, to see the intricate inter-connectedness of all life. In doing so, you could start realizing the incredible responsibility you have to take your place in this web of life, because only when you do, can “everything fall into place.” Changing the world then really truly starts with oneself. When I became a mom, it also dawn on me that I cannot truly support my child in taking her place if I don’t do the work first. It’s one of the most humbling lessons of parenting that you cannot teach, you can only model. And so my work continued toward knowing and accepting myself and maturing into the person I already am. Taking Our Places, in this sense, is a continuation of my work with FRESH, work that has to do with shifting our understanding of ourselves and our relationship with others.
What compelled you to make this Documentary?
When my daughter, Maayan, was almost a year and a half, I felt like I hit a brick wall. I was totally and unnervingly powerless in getting my little girl dressed! Yes, something as simple as that. But I came to dread trying to get out of the house, no matter how desperate I was to do so, because it would be such a struggle to get her to put her clothes on. Most of the time I would end up forcing her, and she would fight me so hard that I would be left feeling beat. Maybe being the boss was not all it was cracked up to be, but what was the alternative? How do I parent this willful little girl? I didn’t want my relationship with my daughter to be one of power-struggle!
A friend of mine recommended a few books. I started with the thinnest one: “Parenting from Your Heart” by Inbal Kashtan. I read the whole book one evening and was thrilled with what I read. There was a possibility of stepping out of the power struggle and instead, building trust, connection, and cooperation. BUT, the next morning, I still couldn’t get my child dressed! In order to learn how to apply these principles to my daily life, I sought out a counselor and started biweekly counseling sessions.
What happened next totally took me by surprise. Turns out, the book I read, the advice I was getting, the strategies that were working so well and transforming my life, are not what other people do! On the contrary, this was pretty counter-cultural and radical, and I started getting a lot of push-back. I was warned that my child would become a bully, and spoiled, that she was going to rule over me, because if I’m not in control, she is. If I was too soft, too permissive, I would live in chaos.
That’s when I decided to make a movie! Because I might not be good at getting my daughter dressed, but I’m pretty damn competent at making movies! And because this new approach to parenting totally rocked my world, it got me wondering, why not the rest of the world? So I decided to run a little experiment and see how other families would respond…
In Taking Our Places, I intimately follow three families as they learn and try to implement new parenting strategies. What I’ve learned and what I think my movie will show is that parenting is a skill that can be learned and practiced. My message is simple: no, you are not alone, and yes, there are tools out there that can really help!
What inspired the name Taking Our Places? What does it mean?
I borrowed the name from one of my favorite books from my most influential teacher Norman Fisher. In his book“Taking Our Places: the Buddhist path to truly growing up” he writes
“Each of us has a place in this world. Taking that place, I have come to feel, is our real job as human beings. We are not generic people, we are individuals, and when we appreciate that fact completely and allow ourselves to embrace it and grow into it fully, we see that our unique place in this world is the one thing that gives us a sense of ultimate fulfillment….What does it really mean to grow up? How do we do the work that will nurture a truly mature heart from which can flow healing words and deeds? Each of our lives depends on our undertaking the exploration that these questions urge us toward. And the mystery is that the whole world depends on each of us to take this human journey.”
What will we learn or gain from watching Taking Our Places? What is the take away.
How did you pick the families that participated in the film?
It’s tricky to ask people to do something you would not do yourself. “How can I even ask?” I would say to my filmmaker friends. “Because some people want to,” came the answer. “You’re not going to choose families for your movie, they’ll choose you, they’ll choose your movie.” And that’s exactly what happened. My co-producer Deana Morenoff and I made some flyers and posted them around town. Most people thought, “Oh that sounds interesting, but I could never…” and a few people said, “YES!” Over the course of shooting that “YES” has turned into a much less enthusiastic “yes,” and then to a “Why did I ever agree to this?” or even an “ENOUGH!” But through the ups and downs, the three families participating in Taking Our Places have shown incredible courage, and the kind of radical honesty that the rest of us can only aspire to.
When Jenny contacted me she said 'These families share their imperfect selves'...
…Do you believe yelling to induce compliance has more to do with parents wanting to appear ‘perfect’ based on the behavior of their child/ren?
No one wants to yell at or hit their child/ren. Why do you think we do?
I yell most when I’m really really tired and feeling maxed-out. I also yell when I’m triggered: when my child’s behavior brings out some of my own childhood stuff. For instance I’ve noticed that I get the most angry when I’ve asked for support and don’t get it. I right away jump to this story that “you don’t care… my needs don’t matter… I’m all alone in the world.” I know it’s totally irrational (yes, my 3 years old doesn’t care about my needs, as she should!!!) and yet, once I’m triggered I find it really hard to stop. So I work on repairing what happened (owning it and apologizing) and in trying to let go of this old story ….
What do you believe are the affects of yelling at your child/ren?
…Immediate and long term?
Do you believe parents think it's easier to yell than take another approach?
…Why is this?
Jenny said this documentary will help 'Transform culture of parenting for others'...
…I used watch the nanny shows and say, ‘all that child needs is a spanking’ BUT now that I have my own child my views are totally different. Is this what you mean by needing to transform the culture?
You know, we want adults who can make (good) decisions on their own (and not succumb to peer-pressure) but we raise them to be “good” and obedient. As a result we often treat our children in a way that we’d never treat anyone else. We want our children to develop emotional intelligence but we often unwillingly disconnect them from their own feelings. Think of the toddler’s falling and the soothing words “you’re ok, you’re ok”… who doesn’t do this? but the child is not “ok”, she might be scarred from her fall, or feeling some pain from a scratch, or perhaps she is just frustrated because she was running and the fall stopped her play? whatever it was, she doesn’t get to learn about it, she gets told that she is (read “must be”) ok and to shush. Or take the little boy who calmly states “I hate grandma / little brother / etc”, and the immediate answer: “no you don’t, you know you love grandma/ little Henry/ whatever). And it’s all the cultural norm of acceptable behavior: boys don’t cry, girls don’t show anger, children behave and don’t show big emotions. In general negative emotions are pushed away, in ourselves and in our children. So there’s this huge gap between what we want our children to be like as adult and how we raise them.
There’s also a gap between how we expect our children to act and how we act. Did you ever see a parent grab a toy away from his/her child while saying “no snatching”? or insist on children sharing a minute after saying “no, you can’t play with my phone/bag/etc.” And we often fail to treat children with kindness and compassion that we insist they should demonstrate. Yet the difficult truth is that you can’t really teach children how to be, all you can do is model. That’s why the work of parenting is mostly an internal one!!!!
Can we as parents reach out and get a coach if interested in partnership-based parenting?
YES! I’m hoping my documentary will make a lot of parents interested in mindful and partnership-based parenting AND to the possibility of getting support, even via Skype. My website, ParentingTheMovie.com, will become a portal for parents looking to get started: online-classes, forums, articles, and contacts for coaches. There’s a group of parents in my town who are getting together and doing a 6-sessions workshop via Skype with one of the documentary coaches. As a result it’s affordable AND they got built-in support in their community!
BIG. Huge. Thanks to Ana for this opportunity!
2 Comments
sarah
November 5, 2014 at 11:24 pmThat sounds like an interesting documentary. Great interview!
Raivon Lee
November 8, 2014 at 12:55 pmThank you! Yes I believe it is very interesting. I cant wait to see the finished product. Thank you for you comment!