Browsing Category


Depression, Pregnancy and Meds

This past weekend my good friend totally surprised me with the most beautiful baby shower! It’s my first shower, I didn’t have one with my first pregnancy because I was too ill (in my opinion) and really didn’t want to be seen by anyone and I definitely didn’t want to be the center of attention. Self-conscious and low self-esteem are under statements. But I really enjoyed myself and am so thankful to her!

Baby Shower w/Greg

Read More »

Postpartum Depression & Anxiety, Pregnancy

Pregnant… Again!

My goodness, it has been so long since I’ve posted here. I’m preparing for my afternoon nap, wrapped in a towel straight from the shower with a mug of Chamomile tea that was gifted to me in a care package from my amazing friends… and a shocking thought came to me! I should post to my blog!


Read More »


Ari Turns Two: Our Positive C-Section Birth Story… In Pictures {GRAPHIC}

On January 11th 2015 at 12:03 pm my sweet, silly, and smart little man turned two years old… Two YEARS!! Time flies.

Ari is Two

I thought it was a perfect time to share our very abbreviated and positive C-section birth story with you all. Mostly in pictures, some rather graphic. I say positive C-Section Birth Story because we have ALL heard the nightmare stories of C-Section. But I can honestly say that even though I was going for a all natural home-birth. I would not change a thing about how my little man made it here to me!

I did have a wonderful team. Between my husband, Dr. Bootstaylor of SeeBaby Atlanta  (which is the back up OB for home-birth midwives in this area) and Brenda Parrish of Traditional Birth Services (my midwife) by my side, we were armed with lots of knowledge on natural birth and although I had a C-Section we made it as “natural” as possible!

If you can stomach it … I hope you enjoy! That bloody little babe has given me a life I never knew could be mine…


During the wee hours of January 11th 2013, (which was my due date) I woke up to use the rest room for the 100th time. I return to bed and just as I was drifting off I heard, or felt or both…a POP!

My eyes popped opened and I wondered if I was dreaming…I honestly hoped I was dreaming because I was waiting for Ari to turn head down so that I could have my home birth as planned.  I knew that if my water broke I would have to head to the hospital and prepare for a c-section. Although Dr. Bootstaylor would evaluate Ari’s positioning and tell me if I could try to deliver vaginally. I still wanted nothing to do with the hospital.

I went back into the bathroom and indeed my water had broken and to my surprise there was meconium in my water… which turned out to be no big deal!

I woke Greg. That was the weirdest thing…I was so nervous to tell him.

I said “Greg, I think my water broke”… He sprung to action called Brenda and we headed to the hospital after not too long.

We arrived and checked in. They made sure I was actually in labor and I just waited in bed.

Within a few hours the contractions kicked in and they kicked in HARD. I’m not sure if It was Ari’s breech positioning but this was much worse than I expected. The only place that I felt comfortable was on the potty!

labor contractions


DH Supports during contractions



Labor Contractions


Contraction on the potty

Greg was there for me every step of the way, and even almost fainted when he thought my birth plan (which he posted in several areas) wasn’t being followed.

Greg almost fainted

Brenda was there as well (pictures are thanks to her!) Even though I was destined for a C-Section she was there. That says so much about her!

Dr. Bootstaylor came in all calm cool and collected lol. He never gives off that fearful urgent vibe that some most doctors do. He did an ultrasound … and based on Ari’s type of Breech positioning ( which I believe was frank breech) vaginal delivery would not be the safest choice. Dr. B calmly presented me with my options but honestly with those contractions I was ready for the C-section.

Brenda reassured me that my contractions were not in vain … Ari would still get benefit from them even if I had to have a C-Section.

After what felt like forever Greg and Brenda suited up and I was WALKED to the OR. I was totally expecting to be wheeled to the OR but I walked and made it just fine. Although I was worried about dripping amniotic fluid along the way…

Brenda and Greg before C-Section

I sat on the operating table and Dr. Bootstaylor braced me by holding my shoulders and I had the spinal tap which didn’t hurt me at all. And just like that… all… pain… was… gone!

I was laid on the table…Greg and Brenda came in and it was party time.

Before I was even aware of it, the surgery was on its way! I’m really glad that I didn’t know when he started cutting because I would have been more anxious.

This is what was going on during that time…

csection getting started

C-section Pictures



Just hanging out lol!

C-section Pictures

Pull Dr. B … PULL!

And then…

I heard my baby for the first time!! Beautiful gruggles … such a sweet sound that I will never forget!!

c-section picture

Hi Ari!


C-section Pictures

C-section Pictures

Greg held him first.

Greg Holding Ari

Then it was my turn! It was hard to hold him because my arms were a little numb as well. Which according to the Anesthesiologist meant that I had a really good Spinal Tap… Brenda wanted him to start nursing ASAP and we tried right in the OR!


Then off to recovery…until I could move my legs.

Ari nursed…

Ari nursing in the recovery room


…and got “checked out” after nursing was established with daddy right by his side. Ari never left our view… NOT ONCE! We opted out of the bath and a few other standard practices that were not necessary. One example is Erythromycin ophthalmic ointment to prevent ophthalmia neonatorum (ON). “The two main causes of ON are chlamydia or gonorrhea, both of which are sexually transmitted infections”… and I have neither. 

Ari getting checked out

This is Ari the evening of his birth.



With Dr. B’s okay I was able to go home with in a day. Thank God because I HATE HOSPITALS!!

It was a beautiful day! I will never forget! I wish I would have lived in those moments and really relished them… because the following weeks and months were rough!

How was your C-Section? Would you have changed any part of your birth story? Let me know in the comments!


Beautifully Scarred: 7 Reasons Why I Love My C-Section Scar

Why I love my c-section scar

I know that many of us don’t find scars (which are considered imperfections) to be a gift. After all we are bombarded with advertisements for products to make them disappear.

I, on the other hand wouldn’t remove my scar for the world. When I look at my scar I see a beauty mark. So many beautiful emotions flood my heart and I can’t help but smile.

Here is why . . .

7 Reasons Why I Love My Scar

  1. It reminds me that Life Does Not Always Go As Planned — and that is okay. Although I wanted nothing more than to have a home-birth my C-Section was an amazing experience. Honestly, I wouldn’t have changed it. The end result was my healthy baby boy. Sometimes when our plans go off course it’s best to sit back and enjoy the ride. Trust that God is in control and that you will get where you need to be — often times you end up being in a better place than imagined.
  2. Time Heals. Literally and figuratively. My scar has gone from looking like I was cut open with a butcher knife (which I guess is basically true) to barely noticeable. In the same way, time is also heals emotional wounds. At one point I SWORE I’d NEVER get pregnant again. Still the idea nauseates me but as time goes on the negative feelings are less intense.
  3. Beauty is in The Eye of the Beholder. My scar is beautiful — to ME. In my eyes. As I grow I try to look at the world through MY eyes alone.
  4. My Body is Amazing. I had a baby growing inside of me and he was pulled out through that scar. It amazes me.
  5. Dr. Bootstaylor ROCKS. He did an amazing job stitching me up 🙂 Not only does he have a wonderful bedside manner (I’ll have to share my birth story with you all) He’s an amazing C-Section-ist. Or OB if you are fancy.
  6. You Never Know Until You Go — through something for yourself. I know that C-Sections are horrible for some women but mine was perfection. The feeling of the needle going into my spine was amazing, it didn’t hurt a bit and took the pain of those HORRID contractions away in the blink of an eye. Minutes later my baby boy was in my arms. I only stayed in the hospital for one day and even at home my recovery was easy. I am also less judgmental even though I thought I was before. I’ve gone through SO much since getting pregnant and I will never pass judgement on any one because honestly I don’t know if or when I will be in her shoes.
  7. My Sweet Baby Boy. Through that scar my sweet baby boy was given to me. He has given me a new lease on life. Without him I would not consider myself to be a mental health advocate, this blog would truly be about a VainMommy and lack substance, my view of life would still be shallow, I’d still be afraid of my voice, and I wouldn’t know the amazing women I’ve met through play-dates, support groups etc.

Ari has made my life a life worth living. God knew exactly what He was doing; I can see that even through all of the pain.

In my opinion my birth scarred me for the better.

How do you feel about your body post pregnancy?

Fulfilled Living, Pregnancy

I’m a Baldy and I Know it…Post Partum hair loss!

Bald momma!Well…well…well. Just one more thing that everyone forgot to mention about having a baby. THAT ID GO BALD!

I’m aprox. 4 months post partum and I’d say I really started to notice that my edges where looking sparse around the 3.5 month mark.

Literally every time I touched my hair there were sad strands left behind in my hand, and brushing my hair in the shower was/is scary. Read More »