I don’t have all of the facts — I don’t even have my thoughts straight . I am just going to unload and attempt to organize the clutter in my mind.
Robin Williams killed himself. He hung himself. A man with hundreds of thousands maybe more like millions of fans. A man that most likely didn’t have to worry about the things most of us do. A man that most likely had more resources to get help than the rest of us. A man that from the outside looking in you would never imagine was suffering to that degree.
He killed himself. He hung himself. He chose to die by asphyxiation because depression is a liar!
Mental Illness is REAL (I’m saying this in shock and almost disbelief). He was hurting THAT badly that he took his own life. I’m not sure why I am so shocked; after all I had those scary thoughts of ending my life after the birth of my son.
But still . . . But still I am shocked.
I learned that he passed through my Facebook news-feed. It was the updates from friends who have personal experience with various forms of mental illnesses that struck me.
I could sense their sorrow . . . fear . . . and anger, that I can only liken to a mom wailing at the loss of her only child.
THAT was the pain I felt permeate my news-feed.
I took a step back and asked myself.
Who the hell am I — to think I can handle depression and anxiety if Robin Williams lost his life to this horrible disease? Am I that naive to think I’ve beat this thing? How do I continue diminishing the fact that this could be a life long struggle that requires maintenance?
Maybe it is time for me to stop smiling about this pain — maybe its time to cut the happy-go-lucky BS.
This is serious stuff.
It’s the “what-ifs” that really take a toll on me. I have more good days than bad, thankfully. But I have an under lying fear that I’m being naive, and not vigilant enough. What if’s get the best of me? What if???
This is uncharted territory for me.
Maybe it’s just anxiety but how do I really know?
My heart goes out to the family and friends of Robin Williams. I can only hope he is resting in the sweet arms of Jesus. No more pain.
Note To Self:
Matthew 6:34 (NLT)
 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.