Blogging has become a form of therapy and escape for me. I am able to open up in a way that I can with few people in my life. Not because others won’t let me, but because I won’t allow myself to just be me… Whoever me is. I’ve been hiding myself for so long that I’m not sure I even know who I am.
I’m not a very confident person, well I haven’t been in the past. Hopefully I’m in the process of turning a new leaf. I generally only share my true opinions when I know the person sitting across from me will agree and there will be no push back (unless that person is DH then I have no problem voicing my true feelings 🙂 . When I’m in agreement with someone, chances are there will be a flowery bonding experience between us…and that’s my safety net.
I HATE confrontation of any sort. I’m a peace keeper and avoid it at ALL costs… like it’s the black plague. I’m sure this makes me a very boring person. I’ve been known to just sit back and agree mainly because I don’t feel like speaking up or defending my point of view… Takes too much energy really.
In all honestly I am an extremely opinionated person. EXTREMELY, but you’d never know it. I know this goes deeper than just having anxiety about sharing my blog. I know I can’t make everyone happy, and no, not everyone will agree with what I have to say. That’s life! This is one time in my life when it’s okay to be “selfish” and stop worrying, and just be me. I feel like I’ve lived 27 years trying to be who and what ever I thought others preferred. Why am I so uncomfortable with myself?
I will soon be a mom. Continuing to sit back and passively go through life isn’t going to benefit myself my family and more specifically my son. There are so many opinions out there about how to raise children and many BIG decisions that need to be made. Even now…before he’s born. My LO doesn’t deserve a push over mommy, I will be my child’s advocate!
I’ve decided to do it! On January 1st 2013, I will hit the “share” button… Maybe lol (I just realized how close we are to January, YIKES)
I will allow others into my little world here online. I’m scared as heck, but hey… This is me and my blog reflects who I am. Who knows, maybe everyone will get to meet the real Raivon face to face, not just in the safety of my online home!
I can’t be the only one that feels this way…right?
3 Comments
Crystal
June 30, 2013 at 11:20 amRaivon, hi! My name is Crystal and I’ve just stumbled across your blog searching for postpartum insomnia.OMG we have so much in common its actually a little weird lol. I’m a 27 yo black woman and gave birth to my baby boy born Dec. 19, 2012. Anyway I feel i can identify with this post in particular. The way you so eloquently describe yourself…..totally me. Now I don’t feel so defective lol. It’s really nice to know others struggle with these types of…idk how you describe it….”personality inadequacies”. I don’t have a blog for this very reason, but would love, and crave, an outlet so I can share who I really am to the world. Well, atleast to my little world. I’ve always loved writing and journaling for years. You are giving me the courage to maybe give it a shot. Motherhood has brought out a lot in me as well, we have to be our babies advocates because they cant speak up for themselves and I’m not going to allow something I don’t want to happen to my son, whatever it may be, because of my passive nature. Great blog, and would love to talk with you in the future. Ari is adorable btw!
Raivon
June 30, 2013 at 1:21 pmHi Crystal! Thanks for commenting. I agree it’s nice to know that someone can relate and that I’m not the only one who is this way! I think you should go for it start a blog and just get “it” all out, if for no one else do it for you. I must admit its pretty therapeutic. I’m still working HARD to get over my passiveness or fear of just simply being honest about how I feel, it sounds so easy doesn’t it?! It does sound like we have a lot in common. I look forward to hearing from you! Oh and thanks we think Ari just gets more adorable by the day, I’m sure you can relate 😉
Giulia
October 11, 2015 at 7:40 pmHi! I went through your blog so randomly! I relate a lot to what you’re saying here. So basically I just wanted to let you know that you were not the only one feeling this way.
All the best,
Giulia